i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
