i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
