So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
