bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
