he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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