Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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