dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
