Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
