fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
