Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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