I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
