i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
