Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
