Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
People in love make me want to vomit
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
