You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
