Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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