oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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