Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
