honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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