your thong is hanging out like whoa
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
