Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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