I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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