i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
