So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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