I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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