So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A+ Viking dick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
