We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
