Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm at about main and main street
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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