I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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