I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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