So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
