the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
