yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
