I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
