Will you blow on my dice?
I think I died a long time ago.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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