Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bring me that man meat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
