don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
