goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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