It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
