I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
