I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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