meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
