I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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