Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
