The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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