even my farts smell like vagina
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
