i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
