If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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