You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
