i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
