I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
