i would punch a child for taco bell
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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