so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
