So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will be naked everywhere
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
